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perhaps cliche, but worthwhile, to take moment to review what i am thankful for.
i am thankful to still be alive
perhaps it was just the capriciousness, or short sited-ness of youth but i never expected to live into my 30's and frankly given my long history of misadventures... it never seemed likely.
and of course... their have been dark moments where i wanted nothing less
but somehow i am still here.
i sometimes feel like i'm living on borrowed time....and am thankful
giving more opportunities to learn, to grow, to have new adventures and to meet new people
I am thankful to still be alive
i am thankful for my health
ok i fucking *hate* the cpap machine, but its a relatively small inconvenience...
and my asthma, tho worse than in my 20's is still well on the manageable side of things, and is generally doing better this year than last.
and so far i've recovered from all my bike accidents without any permanent injury (other than scar tissue in my right lung, and reduced breath capacity)
it goes without saying we know many folks who have not fared so well.
even my right wrist, which was shattered, and healed crooked after my first major accident in 96 in pasadena (i couldn't afford the surgery) is remarkably functional all these years later.
I amthankfulgrateful for my health
i am thankful for my families both consanguineous and genial.
though all families are weird, mine (at least the maternal clan) is far more on the quirky side than the dysfunctional...
and i am grateful to have such caring, supportive, intelligent, capable, accepting, and loving members in mine. i would not be who i am today if it weren't for them.
nor would i be who i am today if it weren't for the network of friends that support me, and on occasion put me in check.
as someone who started out introverted and shy, as well as wierd and perpetually the new kid...
it's still *staggering* to me how many friends and friend groups i have far flung across the globe. literally hundreds...
i both beam with pride to know i've managed to cultivate such an extended network of friends, and that their is something inside me that so many of you would want to cal friend...
and i am grateful, grateful everyday for the blessing and good fortune...the friendship i am offered.
and not just the quantity...but the quality.
but i have so many friends who are great characters, interesting people, and above all good hearted.
i don't get to see _any_ of them (you) as much as i'd like, life takes us in different directions, as we get older we nest more, marriage and of course kids takes that to a whole 'nother level... but true friends remain even over distances of time and space
i know that even after time passes i will be welcomed with open arms and broad smiles... that even apart i am in your thoughts and hearts, and that you, yes you, all of you are in mine.
I amthankfulgrateful for all the wonderful people that are my family
I am thankful for the bay area
a perpetual boom town, full of freaks, wanderers, and fringe elements. A mix of so many diverse cultures particularly latino (spanish by way of pan-american indigenous infusion) and asain (pan-pacific) not to mention this are still seems to draw a lot of transplants from the eat coast. Historically a place people come to reinvent themselves, or make their names, a welcome refuge for all kinds of outsiders. This place that staged the war in the pacific, that fostered the micro-processing revolution, cradle of modern psychedelic experimentation... that has been a home to the beats the hippies, black panthers, the punks, and of course the LGBT community... its easy to go on and on...
no sf isn't the only interesting place in the world, we don't have a monopoly on cool...
but it is a very unique place, a historic place, and a historically unique place... where people have such a zest for living... where so many intelligent people and so many driven people come together to reinvent the future... where outsiders who would are persecuted, beaten, and killed in other parts of the country, and world... can be themselves without fear, and even yes, pride!... where so many smart people revel in being dumb... where hedonism and excess are virtues as are not taking yourself to seriously... this city and these people do so many amazing and wonderful and unique things.
This place where i've found so many wonderful friends, and communities.
I amthankfulgrateful for this home.
I am thankful for the tech industry and my "career".
Ya know, I got my degree in performance art.
i really believed in it, and it was some of the best years of my life, i don't regret it at all.
when i graduated the only work experience i had was retail and mailroom clerk
survival in america as part of the unskilled work force is a terrifying proposition.
i pretty much just fell into webdev because i was in the right time and place
i have a lot of skills and talents, most of them are not money makers
and I'll be honest, i'm not that smart, certainly not by silicon valley standards, i'm dyslexic, slow at math, and a poor typist... it hasn't made things easy...
of course i am very competent at what i do, but i'm not a star player, on innovator...
but i've been more employed than not, and survived two crashes, and i'm still getting by.
and though tech work can be volatile, esp as a contractor... when i work i'm paid well, and afforded a modicum of respect and freedom.
the son of mini-cab/bus driver, and a secretary/admin/office manager
i have a very clear idea how much harder, still my life could be without this
I amthankful grateful for my career.
i am thankful to still be alive
perhaps it was just the capriciousness, or short sited-ness of youth but i never expected to live into my 30's and frankly given my long history of misadventures... it never seemed likely.
and of course... their have been dark moments where i wanted nothing less
but somehow i am still here.
i sometimes feel like i'm living on borrowed time....and am thankful
giving more opportunities to learn, to grow, to have new adventures and to meet new people
I am thankful to still be alive
i am thankful for my health
ok i fucking *hate* the cpap machine, but its a relatively small inconvenience...
and my asthma, tho worse than in my 20's is still well on the manageable side of things, and is generally doing better this year than last.
and so far i've recovered from all my bike accidents without any permanent injury (other than scar tissue in my right lung, and reduced breath capacity)
it goes without saying we know many folks who have not fared so well.
even my right wrist, which was shattered, and healed crooked after my first major accident in 96 in pasadena (i couldn't afford the surgery) is remarkably functional all these years later.
I am
i am thankful for my families both consanguineous and genial.
though all families are weird, mine (at least the maternal clan) is far more on the quirky side than the dysfunctional...
and i am grateful to have such caring, supportive, intelligent, capable, accepting, and loving members in mine. i would not be who i am today if it weren't for them.
nor would i be who i am today if it weren't for the network of friends that support me, and on occasion put me in check.
as someone who started out introverted and shy, as well as wierd and perpetually the new kid...
it's still *staggering* to me how many friends and friend groups i have far flung across the globe. literally hundreds...
i both beam with pride to know i've managed to cultivate such an extended network of friends, and that their is something inside me that so many of you would want to cal friend...
and i am grateful, grateful everyday for the blessing and good fortune...the friendship i am offered.
and not just the quantity...but the quality.
but i have so many friends who are great characters, interesting people, and above all good hearted.
i don't get to see _any_ of them (you) as much as i'd like, life takes us in different directions, as we get older we nest more, marriage and of course kids takes that to a whole 'nother level... but true friends remain even over distances of time and space
i know that even after time passes i will be welcomed with open arms and broad smiles... that even apart i am in your thoughts and hearts, and that you, yes you, all of you are in mine.
I am
I am thankful for the bay area
a perpetual boom town, full of freaks, wanderers, and fringe elements. A mix of so many diverse cultures particularly latino (spanish by way of pan-american indigenous infusion) and asain (pan-pacific) not to mention this are still seems to draw a lot of transplants from the eat coast. Historically a place people come to reinvent themselves, or make their names, a welcome refuge for all kinds of outsiders. This place that staged the war in the pacific, that fostered the micro-processing revolution, cradle of modern psychedelic experimentation... that has been a home to the beats the hippies, black panthers, the punks, and of course the LGBT community... its easy to go on and on...
no sf isn't the only interesting place in the world, we don't have a monopoly on cool...
but it is a very unique place, a historic place, and a historically unique place... where people have such a zest for living... where so many intelligent people and so many driven people come together to reinvent the future... where outsiders who would are persecuted, beaten, and killed in other parts of the country, and world... can be themselves without fear, and even yes, pride!... where so many smart people revel in being dumb... where hedonism and excess are virtues as are not taking yourself to seriously... this city and these people do so many amazing and wonderful and unique things.
This place where i've found so many wonderful friends, and communities.
I am
I am thankful for the tech industry and my "career".
Ya know, I got my degree in performance art.
i really believed in it, and it was some of the best years of my life, i don't regret it at all.
when i graduated the only work experience i had was retail and mailroom clerk
survival in america as part of the unskilled work force is a terrifying proposition.
i pretty much just fell into webdev because i was in the right time and place
i have a lot of skills and talents, most of them are not money makers
and I'll be honest, i'm not that smart, certainly not by silicon valley standards, i'm dyslexic, slow at math, and a poor typist... it hasn't made things easy...
of course i am very competent at what i do, but i'm not a star player, on innovator...
but i've been more employed than not, and survived two crashes, and i'm still getting by.
and though tech work can be volatile, esp as a contractor... when i work i'm paid well, and afforded a modicum of respect and freedom.
the son of mini-cab/bus driver, and a secretary/admin/office manager
i have a very clear idea how much harder, still my life could be without this
I am
Life has slowed down just *barely* enough... that i has time to synthesize and record some of the thoughts and goings on in my life again
and so i am.
- i have poked at facebook... and peeked at twitter, and they still hold zero appeal...
(well the audience does, but the the mediums do not, at all)
and i know i'm not the only one who misses having interesting things to read here...
so i'm back at at.
i'm going to keep posting (hopefully) amusing if not profound and (somewhat) well written things...
both because i enjoy this medium to process my thoughts...
and because, you know, manifest the world you want to see... if i want read interesting, personal, synthesized posts from my friends... i've got do it myself, right?
i make no promises for consistency, appeal, nor of course for gramar, it is me after all.
but i am making a concerted effort to avoid the "what i had for breakfast post" or the one to which i have been more guilty of, the "woes me" post, of empty whining. (i reserve the right to be whiny if its full whining... ie coupled with insights, or humor, that you might laugh at my expense)
my intent is to take, or make, the time for the posts i'd want to read myself in a few year... things that are very me, things that are amusing, things that make you go hmm...
and just as important to try and be cognizant of tone... i don't want to let perfection be the enemy of good enough, or to let this become such a restrictive chore that i will then resent doing... and stop ... but i do want to screen out the unfiltered venting, and the scattershot drive by post... in favor of posts that, may not be pulitzer material, but are more writerly, even if casual, use language intentionally, at least thoughtful and true to my voice.
you know i started this post about my "mission" tongue in cheek, a joke...
but apparently i do have a mission, and this is my missions tatment
i suppose these goals could also be summed up one (or all) of the following three ways...
by the intention to build a more cohesive body of work...think of my writing not just in terms of each post, but the whole journal.
and/or that, when i set down to reflect on my life... reading this... i wont just be struck by what a boorish whiner i was, but you know a thoughtful person with a unique perspective and, frankly, a damn interesting life.
and/or lastly...to use this medium (Elle Jay) for its strengths... weeding out the bad posting habits more suited for twitbook... and focusing on the aspects of this format i like most
i know their aren't many of you still out there... but i know some of you still *are*... and i hope i'll add a bit of amusement to your daily data streams... and i also know far more of you still read than let on (by posting or commenting) I hope in some small modest way i might inspire some of you posting, or at least commenting more
and that's the end of my mini-festo
and so i am.
- i have poked at facebook... and peeked at twitter, and they still hold zero appeal...
(well the audience does, but the the mediums do not, at all)
and i know i'm not the only one who misses having interesting things to read here...
so i'm back at at.
i'm going to keep posting (hopefully) amusing if not profound and (somewhat) well written things...
both because i enjoy this medium to process my thoughts...
and because, you know, manifest the world you want to see... if i want read interesting, personal, synthesized posts from my friends... i've got do it myself, right?
i make no promises for consistency, appeal, nor of course for gramar, it is me after all.
but i am making a concerted effort to avoid the "what i had for breakfast post" or the one to which i have been more guilty of, the "woes me" post, of empty whining. (i reserve the right to be whiny if its full whining... ie coupled with insights, or humor, that you might laugh at my expense)
my intent is to take, or make, the time for the posts i'd want to read myself in a few year... things that are very me, things that are amusing, things that make you go hmm...
and just as important to try and be cognizant of tone... i don't want to let perfection be the enemy of good enough, or to let this become such a restrictive chore that i will then resent doing... and stop ... but i do want to screen out the unfiltered venting, and the scattershot drive by post... in favor of posts that, may not be pulitzer material, but are more writerly, even if casual, use language intentionally, at least thoughtful and true to my voice.
you know i started this post about my "mission" tongue in cheek, a joke...
but apparently i do have a mission, and this is my missions tatment
i suppose these goals could also be summed up one (or all) of the following three ways...
by the intention to build a more cohesive body of work...think of my writing not just in terms of each post, but the whole journal.
and/or that, when i set down to reflect on my life... reading this... i wont just be struck by what a boorish whiner i was, but you know a thoughtful person with a unique perspective and, frankly, a damn interesting life.
and/or lastly...to use this medium (Elle Jay) for its strengths... weeding out the bad posting habits more suited for twitbook... and focusing on the aspects of this format i like most
i know their aren't many of you still out there... but i know some of you still *are*... and i hope i'll add a bit of amusement to your daily data streams... and i also know far more of you still read than let on (by posting or commenting) I hope in some small modest way i might inspire some of you posting, or at least commenting more
and that's the end of my mini-festo
random ass-ide... #2: U2
Apr. 25th, 2007 07:09 pmon a completely different tip
...i've been listening to U2 lately...
yeah i know.
they're so obvious. and corporate.
they are, no bullshit, arena rock...
but i've been going through a lot of old music lately
(now i finally have most of my music in one place again)
they were in the news again recentlty...
but i guess it started with the superficial linguistic association....
a friend and i were planning a road tripping to joshua tree...
- me a desert rat and i've never been!
joshua tree of course reminded me literally of their seminal album
but this also reminded me of road tripping across AZ... to Prescott... or Flag... or the grand canyon....
staring out as we snaked up and down sculpted earth and sand stone....
imagining myself flying across the smooth red rock and nappy green desert brush...
(sometimes on wing, sometimes in a helicopter...but always i'm flying)
picturing my shadow dancing up and down below me...
listening to "In gods country"
the metalic guitar echoing in my ears...
listening to "In gods country" and knowing, without questioning i am exactly here in God's country.
i was not only an atheist, but an "infallible" teenager... yet filled with reverence at the awesome scale, bold colour and delicate forms of the desert.
once again identifying with music... finding spirituality buried in between bars...
no mater what you think of them over all....
how much like me you still cannot palate this uber rock star ... the great white hope...this cult of personality... a parody of himself bono...
who donates sunglass to charity ... like marie antoinette handing out cake...
and who wonder, like me, what the hell happened to the scrawny scraggly impassioned irishman who ranted on the edge of tears about the blood children shed in sectarian strife....
you know back when he still had human eyes...
anyway besides all that, they're still actually really good musicians...
at this point i can even palate some bits of Achtung and Zooropa...
and this album, Joshua Tree, in particular... was and still is an incredible album.
even now 20, yes 20 years later... its solid from beginning to end.
its one of those albums... tho it may not be my favorite... you can listen to the whole thing end to end...with out skipping ...or loosing interest... their really are no bad tracks
like Ritual De Lo Habitual, or So, or Check Your Head, Mezzanine, Doubt, Violator, Disintegration, Songs from the Big Chair, Night Music, I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got ... etc...
no its not War or Boy... but its poised on that perfect cusp between the energy, passion and rawness of youth vs. maturing craft and production values...
a coming of age album?
anyway the point is its a fucking great album end to end, particularly for me side two... tho i don't think it spawned any of the singles... it has all these wonderfully disparate but personally compelling themes: death, a motorcycle accident, personal relationships savaged by economic hardship, heroin addiction ... all threaded with strong desert imagery... all setting each other up... almost a concept album.
i remember the moment i decided i needed to have it...
it was dec 1998... Jenifer Campbell's birthday party... (days before my own) ...i was freshman at my first high school social gathering ... also my first in phoenix ...
the album had been out for over a year... and tho i'd liked "i still haven't found"...initially i despised "with or without you"....
and back then buying cassettes was a big deal... most of my music was dubbed from the radio or from borrowed vinyl....
but their i was on a school mates screened in back patio.... eating pizza hut pizza...
and "Trip through your wire" issued out of this little black boom box...and i got goose bumps...
..i can still smell the dark black ink on the insert...oh the pristine clear cassette... up to that point all the tapes i'd owned were milky white... and the case backs were always black
i used to play it in my fat yellow sport walkman on the 40 min bus ride across phoenix to south mountain high school....
it smelled like acetate
...i've been listening to U2 lately...
yeah i know.
they're so obvious. and corporate.
they are, no bullshit, arena rock...
but i've been going through a lot of old music lately
(now i finally have most of my music in one place again)
they were in the news again recentlty...
but i guess it started with the superficial linguistic association....
a friend and i were planning a road tripping to joshua tree...
- me a desert rat and i've never been!
joshua tree of course reminded me literally of their seminal album
but this also reminded me of road tripping across AZ... to Prescott... or Flag... or the grand canyon....
staring out as we snaked up and down sculpted earth and sand stone....
imagining myself flying across the smooth red rock and nappy green desert brush...
(sometimes on wing, sometimes in a helicopter...but always i'm flying)
picturing my shadow dancing up and down below me...
listening to "In gods country"
the metalic guitar echoing in my ears...
listening to "In gods country" and knowing, without questioning i am exactly here in God's country.
i was not only an atheist, but an "infallible" teenager... yet filled with reverence at the awesome scale, bold colour and delicate forms of the desert.
once again identifying with music... finding spirituality buried in between bars...
no mater what you think of them over all....
how much like me you still cannot palate this uber rock star ... the great white hope...this cult of personality... a parody of himself bono...
who donates sunglass to charity ... like marie antoinette handing out cake...
and who wonder, like me, what the hell happened to the scrawny scraggly impassioned irishman who ranted on the edge of tears about the blood children shed in sectarian strife....
you know back when he still had human eyes...
anyway besides all that, they're still actually really good musicians...
at this point i can even palate some bits of Achtung and Zooropa...
and this album, Joshua Tree, in particular... was and still is an incredible album.
even now 20, yes 20 years later... its solid from beginning to end.
its one of those albums... tho it may not be my favorite... you can listen to the whole thing end to end...with out skipping ...or loosing interest... their really are no bad tracks
like Ritual De Lo Habitual, or So, or Check Your Head, Mezzanine, Doubt, Violator, Disintegration, Songs from the Big Chair, Night Music, I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got ... etc...
no its not War or Boy... but its poised on that perfect cusp between the energy, passion and rawness of youth vs. maturing craft and production values...
a coming of age album?
anyway the point is its a fucking great album end to end, particularly for me side two... tho i don't think it spawned any of the singles... it has all these wonderfully disparate but personally compelling themes: death, a motorcycle accident, personal relationships savaged by economic hardship, heroin addiction ... all threaded with strong desert imagery... all setting each other up... almost a concept album.
i remember the moment i decided i needed to have it...
it was dec 1998... Jenifer Campbell's birthday party... (days before my own) ...i was freshman at my first high school social gathering ... also my first in phoenix ...
the album had been out for over a year... and tho i'd liked "i still haven't found"...initially i despised "with or without you"....
and back then buying cassettes was a big deal... most of my music was dubbed from the radio or from borrowed vinyl....
but their i was on a school mates screened in back patio.... eating pizza hut pizza...
and "Trip through your wire" issued out of this little black boom box...and i got goose bumps...
..i can still smell the dark black ink on the insert...oh the pristine clear cassette... up to that point all the tapes i'd owned were milky white... and the case backs were always black
i used to play it in my fat yellow sport walkman on the 40 min bus ride across phoenix to south mountain high school....
it smelled like acetate
